Dear Laura,
My partner and I have been going round and round in our relationship for quite some time. We break up and get back together, and break up and get back together. The love is strong. We adore each other, but we cannot seem to find a peaceful way of communicating. As soon as I think everything is on track, something happens that feels completely disorienting. I'm exhausted. I just feel like I want a break and a more balanced feeling life.
Any thoughts?
Thanks,
Jake
Dear Jake,
I always qualify offering guidance by saying that only you will know what is best for you. Always trust Source and your heart over anything from others.
As context for readers, I am a teacher of a fast path for enlightenment. This path is trusting the Divine Radiance of all, the Golden Truth, so humanity wakes up to the astonishing wonder we are and that we are immersed within. Your question is beautiful, since life here is about relating, and our responses to our daily circumstances help us all wake up.
First of all, it is important to be aware that it is a fact that this world is a dream. This world is not a real place. It is taking place in our own mind. The whole cosmos is within our mind, even though it seems outside us. This is a long known and taught knowledge.
In Truth, as I mentioned above, our mind is largely shut-down to the astonishing wonder that we are and that we are immersed within. Bring to mind all of our shut-down DNA that is turning back on. We are God asleep to ourselves. As such, we all feel partly alone, broken and unworthy and guilty about being here whether or not we are conscious of this. If we look at the big picture of humanity, our minds seek to confirm this to us over and over in order to keep the dream alive. This is because tremendous guilt resides in every dreamer's unconscious and conscious mind. This is a fact until one fully enlightens. (We actually have no idea what true consciousness is here within the dream, but I'll use these words because our mind is accustomed to them).
Our ego's gig is to keep this world alive in our mind because it is afraid of letting go, believing only darkness will remain (as you may be afraid of letting go of something that feels draining to your Spirit). In Truth, when we let go only the Light will remain, but because our mind so deeply believes this world is reality, it is taking what appears to us as linear time for us to release the grip on our freaked-out psyche's belief in trusting its fear.
For the circumstances now occurring in your life, if you wish to enlighten, you are consciously choosing to use this opportunity to help your psyche release its grip on the dream. Whether you choose to walk away from this relationship, or to stay, first own that everything you do is your own choice. Your Awake Self made a conscious choice to enter the dreamtime and to encounter all that you are encountering in order to help in a Great Awakening for all of humanity. Experiencing dream wounds and then trusting Love over the fear and guilt, shame and blame in your mind are actually helping not only you, but everyone to heal! And they are making you a better teacher of trusting Love even when it feels hard to do so.
Owning this Truth empowers you more than you may yet realize. And you are beloved in the Heavens and in the dream for serving in this way.
Ok, here goes. To wake up more quickly than you might otherwise (i.e., heal your mind of its belief in this world as real rather than a dreamtime), honor the love that you feel in your heart for your partner and for yourself. Contemplate the ways you are already doing this, because you are. As best you can, if you are willing, also feel deep love and gratitude for Source, who holds us gently while we dream, and for the whole world weeps with us more than we may know.
Love it all. Love this whole world, the whole dreamtime with all its aches and joys. Love it as deeply as you can muster. This world is a truly, even with all its heartbreak, an expression of our beauty and free will. It is a world constructed of Love, even if that Love is somewhat drowsy to Itself. For this reason, this world is a sacred, holy place.
It is profoundly more gentle for our awakening process if we acknowledge our True Self as One with God and bring this awareness into all our relations. Remember, of course, God of human-made religion. God is YOU. You are God. EVERYONE is God, just with a bit of amnesia. And we can tune into Awake God anytime we want.
In your relationship, acknowledge the many ways in which you love. Breathe into your heart how loving you have been many times in the relationship and in the world. Simply not wanting to fight is a HUGE act of Love. This alone saves the whole world. Remember how deeply you have wanted to heal the relationship, to let go of difficult moments, and return to the Love you feel for your partner. Breathe this is. This is ginormous. Honor your Love.
A practice such as this will strengthen your trust in your own Divine Radiance, in your Self-Love. It will help you wake up. If you can, bring also into your heart a few of the moments that your partner has come through in tougher moments. Contemplation of this nature may also give you deeper insight and comfort regarding what may come that is a mystery. Love the mystery! I can assure you, the ego is so pesky that is it best to not know what it to come.
Do as little "thinking" as possible and just allow memories to flood into your awareness. Source sends the perfect memories to contemplate when we open our heart. Rest your mind. Just feel into these memories. They each have a gift of insight, guidance (Love) to offer, and allow them to dissolve (don't hang onto any worldly memories/symbols, even if they are pleasant. Our psyche can get stuck here, and then we will need to bring in another story to remind us this isn't paradise.)
Also, gently witness how your mind either wants to judge yourself and/or your partner or your mind avoids looking directly at the facts. Both tactics are ploys of ego, but they are nothing to fear. (Don't fear ego, yours or anothers. That keeps goopy goo alive that is not real. Hug all egos in your heart, even if you're walking away in form. All egos are equally scared of waking up! Yep!)
Go into your heart, and ask for comfort from Love. You are cradled in Love at all times and in all places. This is a fact.
Be gentle with yourself as you do this. As best you can, allow self-judgement in your mind for such thoughts like "I stayed too long already," "Or, what if I never leave and my life is like this forever?" It's the fear, guilt, blame and shame, critical thinking cycle in the human psyche that keeps us stalled and repeating mind-looping patterns. This blocks the enlightening process.
here is a sample script for trying to work out a relationship. (You will know for you what language to use. I only share ideas as a jump start to trusting your own guidance.)
"Sweetie. God I love you. My heart says we will get through this. We are both amazing. I think you are the bees knees. And I trust that this is true for me as well. We don't need to be perfect. I want you to feel emotionally safe in my presence, and I know it is deeply helpful for me to feel emotionally safe in yours. I want to hear what is on your heart, and I will share what is on mine. If we use language that shares our own feelings without making either one of us wrong, I am sure we'll know how to move forward. We don't have to fix everything. We just need to trust and believe in ourselves and each other, and communicate when either one of us is feeling an inner wobble. If we're gently honest about our own needs, without projecting onto each other, we'll know within our hearts how to proceed."
Here is a sample script for someone who feels complete in a dreamtime relationship. (You will know for you what language to use. I only share ideas as a jump start to trusting your own guidance.)
"Sweetie. We are both perfect. We're doing the best that each of us can. I love you and I love me, and I am no longer willing to participate in something that is bringing us more pain than joy. We both deserve to feel only how deeply cherished that we are. We have both tried really hard. It is time for me to move on. I love you forever. I am grateful for every moment, including the hard ones, because they have helped me realize how much I deserve to feel loved, and you deserve exactly the same thing."
No matter our choices, it is important to be sure we are following our Inner Guidance, our Heart's Song. Following our Inner Guidance and our Heart's Song helps strengthen us through moments when we might fall back into self-destructive patterns. (Bring to mind memories of pain where no one said "No more. This is hurting me and hurting you." Sometimes saying "no" is just as loving as saying "yes." Only you know what is helpful for you. Trust your own guidance before trusting the guidance of anyone outside of you) You know your Inner Guidance and what makes your heart singm and what causes it to weep due to profound disregard. This song is independent of another person. It is YOUR heart song, and it is a gift to yourself. God wants you to be happy right here, right now, within even this strange collective dream we are all having.
You have a heart song. This song always singing, and it will come into form if we offer it the space. For example, you may feel a strong sense to change locations or vocations, add a hobby, take an art class, gather with peaceful groups doing healing work, etc. These activities will help you to feel good about yourself. They will restore self-confidence that has been eroded, even though it may feel excruciating at first to trust your heart's song and step outside destructive geometric patterning.
Rest. Take time for yourself. Feel into the Heart Song vibration with in you. You already do this well. You have been doing this your whole life. Bring to mind a memory of when you followed your Heart's Song. Bear in mind that even with following our Heart's Song, our Soul is always trying to help us wake up from this world, gently tapping us on the shoulder, saying "Trust your heart. Don't think so much. Go out of your mind and into your heart whether you are in relationships or by yourself." This going-out-of-our-mind-and-into-our-heart is helping our psyche--which is very attached to this world, even with all its pain--to let go in the Divine Radiance we really are.
Also bear in mind that our Heart's Song in the worldly sense may shift and change. This is why it is important to keep checking in with ourselves, and to never blame anyone, including ourselves, when our Heart's Song seems to have shifted.
We call tell whether something is a Heart Song or not. We will often feel fear about trying new things, even when we really want to do them. Yet, there is also be a deep sense of peace beneath the fear. Joseph Campbell, a great teacher, writes of following our bliss and that doors will open for us, but we have to jump first. In following our Heart's Song, we're getting used to the idea of surrendering to our Divine Radiance (i.e., enlightening to the wonder that we truly are, but have largely forgotten), while also more gently realizing this world is rather harsh even when we are following our Heart's Song. Our confidence grows that we're indeed dreaming, and that much more lies in store the more we trust Love.
In following our heart song, we're saying, "God/Love/Divine Radiance I surrender all these personal agendas in my mind that really aren't providing any lasting sense of peace anyway. I know there is more. My heart tells me I am so much more and so is everyone else. I trust you completely, even though I'm terrified. I have realized my wish to be separate from my Divine Radiance, and now I want to remember I never left paradise. I want to know the Truth." Listen gently within. Do not force your listening. Just breathe and relax. Take in everything and allow all that is not peaceful to simply dissolve from your awareness. It will, and all that remains is Love. There is nothing more to do except to trust this miracle moment.
Help will always arrive by following the joy or peace vibration inside. This IS God. God is nothing separate from us. We ARE God. As we surrender to our heart songs and to God, we become less attached to how life looks, we simply become more helpful in helping others and ourselves to see our Divine Radiance.
It no longer matters how a partner responds or does not respond because we are strong in our core. He/she may shift in ways of relating or not. We will simply know in the moment. If our desire is to respond in an unkind way, just know that we are not following our Divine Radiance, we are following our fear (ego). There is no guilt, shame, or blame when we forget. It is entirely possible to leave relationships that no longer feel kind and loving, in a loving and kind way. We are all profoundly capable of doing this. We may also find that a relationship we thought was ending returns with miraculous strength. We will feel the inner shift.
Does this help? Only you know for you. Trust your Divine Radiance and God over anyone else!
Love,
Laura
